Best and Worst Cottage Cheese

Cottage cheese had a bad rap when I was growing up in the ‘80s. It was considered a diet food, along with melba toast, TaB and Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Cannelloni. But cottage cheese is making a comeback, at least on the app named after that Ke$ha song. Now people are making bagels with cottage cheese! Looks like the ol’ double C is no longer just about leg-warmers and leotards.

But can cottage cheese stand on its own merits? Will it always be the yawn-inducing third cousin of more dynamic cheeses, like Gouda, Pecorino and Cheez Whiz? And which brand is best?

I tasted 8 brands, ranging from $3.48 to $9.99. I only bought the 2% variety and pulled my aerobics sweatband over my eyes to avoid bias. And, in keeping with the ‘80s, this post has a neon colour theme. My apologies in advance for any eye damage this causes.

In terms of my evaluation, I looked for the right mixture of solids to liquid, a balance of salt to sweet, and well-defined curds. And I convinced my husband to help me out. He’s not usually a willing participant in my taste tests unless it’s panettone.

Which cottage cheese made its “whey” to the top – and which brand laid a big fat curd? Read on to find out!

1) Great Value $4.18

Walmart’s house brand has performed relatively well in previous taste tests. (See my Boxed Macaroni and Cheese post.) In terms of packaging, I appreciated how the red of the tomato slice and serviette is carried throughout. In home décor circles, this is called a “theme.”

Tasting notes: Neither of us had much to say. “It has a slight tang,” my husband said. “The curds are creamy, but they’re a bit soft.” I thought it was okay, but not worth the hell of a trip to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

Verdict: Value, yes. Great, no.

2) Organic Meadow, $9.99

I’m all for organic food, but spending 10 bucks on cottage cheese seems a bit excessive. I liked the cow on the carton, and the artfully placed daisies, that reminded me I was eating something inspired by nature. Even if the ingredients list included Xanthan Gum. And Carbon Dioxide.

Tasting notes: “Not a lot of taste,” my husband said. “But there’s a nice texture and it’s mild. Then again, all cottage cheese is mild.” I found it too liquid-y and the curds dissolved too quickly. It wasn’t that you chewed them so much as slapped them around in your mouth. I also found it on the sweet side.

Verdict: Organic, not orgasmic

3) Compliments, $5.29

Compliments is Sobey’s house brand. I don’t know why I always include it in my taste tests. It’s not terrible but always lacklustre. Yet I keep holding out hope. I’m assuming the dot pattern on the carton is meant to resemble cottage cheese curds. Only the curds are red. This colour technique is known as “blood curdling.”

Tasting notes: “The curds are bigger in this one,” my husband said, but he found it had less taste, despite a slight tang. I, on the other hand, was a fan. I thought there was a lot of curd action. And nothing beats a good, firm curd. I also liked the sour taste, it was almost like buttermilk.

Verdict: Good Lord, Compliments might have a shot!

4) Nordica, $3.48

Nordica is the most cottage cheese-y sounding brand name. It makes me think of Vikings sitting around in leg warmers, eating cottage cheese and saying they need to lose 10 pounds by fur skin bikini season.

Tasting notes: This one got approval from my husband. “It’s thicker and has a sweetness. There’s more flavour.” But I found it too creamy and lacking curds. It all combined into one, pasty uniform texture. The flavour was okay, but there wasn’t enough variance to keep me interested.

Verdict: Like most married couples, we seldom agree.

5) Neilson, $5.59

I get nostalgic about Neilson products. (And it’s not solely based on that medieval logo font.) It’s the dairy brand I most associate with my childhood. I’m old enough to remember when the milkman did home deliveries. Which explains why my mom always answered the door in a nightie. (If my mom were still alive, she’d say, “For God’s sakes, Brian! Don’t joke about something like that. Take it off the internet!”)

Tasting notes: “The texture is different with this one,” my husband said. “The curds feel smoother, almost slippery. Pearly, like they have a slick coating.” I loved this one. It gave me lots to chew on and a mouthful of defined, firm curds that weren’t afraid to stand on their own and say, “Here I am, world.”

Verdict: Worth putting my nightie on for.

6) No Name, $4.29

I had a high school teacher who said he once put No Name ketchup in a Heinz bottle to fool his kids. When they didn’t notice the difference, he told them the truth. Most kids don’t recover from that kind of betrayal. I didn’t have high hopes for this one, but No Name products have surprised me before. (See my Salsa Taste Test.)

Tasting notes: “Ew,” my husband said. “No, wait. It’s not that it’s bad. The tang caught me off guard. The texture is okay. Overall, it’s unremarkable.” I found the No Name brand too sweet and almost had a vanilla ice cream vibe to it. And it was lacking texture. Cue the sad trombone.

Verdict: No name, no win.

7) MC Dairy, $7.99

I’ve never had pressed cottage cheese, so I added it as a curve ball. It had the shortest ingredient list – just pasteurized skim milk and bacterial culture. In terms of the packaging, I learned that Twaróg is a name for Polish farmer’s cheese. You see how educational these posts are?

Tasting notes: “Un unh,” my husband said as soon as he took a bite. “This is cardboard. It tastes like nothing. What would you do with this? Batter and fry it? You definitely have to jeuje it up. (The gays want to jeuje everything.) I agreed. It was like eating a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It needs to be mixed with something else. What that is, I have no idea.

Verdict: We were pressed for anything positive to say.

8) PC Lactose Free, $4.49

I bought this brand to support all the lactose-free folks out there. President’s Choice products are generally okay. I was surprised I didn’t find a PC brand of regular cottage cheese which would no doubt be called “World’s Best Cottage Cheese.” Like that would actually exist.

Tasting notes: “This one is definitely sweeter,” my husband said. “It’s thicker.” Then he sighed and shrugged. “I mean, it’s cottage cheese for God’s sake. How much variety is there going to be? I don’t have anything more to say. It’s not blowing my mind. It’s cottage cheese.” At this point, I could feel the tension in the room getting thicker than a block of pressed cottage cheese, so I thought I’d better wrap the taste test up. I also found this brand too sweet.

Verdict: PC Lactose Free was lacking.

And the winner is….

My husband ultimately settled on Nordica in terms of flavour. For me, it came down to Neilson and Compliments. After some back and forth, I selected Compliments! Suffice to say, it’s going to be a joyous day at your local Sobey’s. Compliments, I will never frown upon your cottage cheese. Although I’ll continue to frown upon your butter tarts. I also highly recommend Neilson for being a cottage cheese with personality, which, in the world of cottage cheese, is saying a lot.

For our worst, it was the pressed version. But it never really belonged there in the first place, like me in high school Phys Ed class. So, we both picked No Name as the bottom of the cheese barrel.

In keeping with the cottage cheese trend, I made cottage cheese bagels which I saw online. You take flour, baking powder, pureed cottage cheese, and mix it all together.

These were a nightmare to make! The dough was so sticky. It got everywhere and the clean-up took forever. All that for four bagels! Which don’t look or taste like bagels. I won’t be making these again.

Did I miss your favourite brand? Are you a “4% or nothing” person? Do you have suggestions for what I can do with the brick of pressed cottage cheese sitting in my fridge? Leave a comment. In the meantime, I’ll be hanging out with the Nordica Vikings, drinking TaB.