Best and Worst Gravy Mixes

In Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol,” Scrooge chastises a ghost by saying, “You’re more gravy than grave.” It begs the question: What brand of gravy was Scrooge referring to? And, given the frantic pace of the holiday season (the shopping, the eating and the eating), can you cut a few corners by using a packaged gravy mix that rivals homemade?

I taste tested 10 brands of gravy mixes. I stuck to the poultry variety and prepared each according to package directions. As I type this, my right arm is about to fall off. I’m officially whisked out. But this is the price you pay for investigative journalism. I also photographed the gravy in shot glasses. I think it’s time that we, as a society, normalized gravy shots.

Which brand did I gobble up? And which brand sunk my gravy boat? Here are my rankings, worst to best.

10) Mayacamas $2.49

I’d never heard of this brand before, but according to their website, they make a variety of gluten-free sauce mixes. At first glance, the colour seemed off compared to the other brands. It was yellowy and smelled like perfume. Little did I know things would only get worse.

Tasting notes: I’ve eaten a lot of questionable things over the years, but this was a new low. Mayacamas tasted like bitter soap. It was so bad, I wondered if I had screwed up making it. But how can you screw up gravy mix? This was inedible.

Verdict: This gravy train went off the rails.

9) No Name $1.00

How do they decide what No Name products to make? Sure, I get the point of pricier items like paper towels or cheese, but is there really a need for No Name gravy mix? I mean, isn’t the world already depressing enough?

Tasting notes: Just awful. Like Mayacamas, it had a bitter taste that hit the back of my throat. I never realized before how terrible gravy can be. It was one of those “dark night of the soul” moments for me.

Verdict: No Name, no words.

8) Simply Organic $2.99

Like No Name, I wondered if the world needs an organic gravy mix. Don’t get me wrong, I often buy organic food, but if I’m eating something that starts as a powder and turns into a brown gelatinous liquid in a matter of minutes, am I really that concerned about what I'm putting into my body?

Tasting notes: On the plus side, Simply Organic had a peppery kick. On the downside, it tasted like soap, just like Mayacamas. What in the gravy hell was going on, I wondered? I don’t care that it’s organic. So is tree bark. Doesn’t mean I’d eat it.

Verdict: Simply bad.

7) McCormick Gourmet $1.49

One of the better-known brands, I associate McCormick with glass spice bottles. According to their website, their Roast Gravy for Poultry Sauce Mix includes notes of pepper, rosemary and sage. So, what note did it hit with me?

Tasting notes: There was a fair amount of parsley flakes in the mix, which I counted as a vegetable. But the powder smelled a little like dog food. Regarding flavour, it tasted like it smelled. And yes, I know what dog food tastes like. The ‘90s were a rough decade for me.

Verdict: In terms of notes, this hit E1.

6) Swiss Chalet $2.50

It’s not the holidays until I’ve had a Swiss Chalet Festive Meal Deal, which comes with a glob of gummy stuffing and a box of half-melted Lindt balls. Would the Swiss gravy swish its way into my heart?

Tasting notes: This was among the thickest gravies I tried, but being thick will only get you so far. Overall, it was too salty and gelatinous. I’ll stick to the half-melted balls.

Verdict: Swiss miss.

5) Bisto $5.99

The upside? Bisto was the easiest to make. You just add boiling water. The downside? The mix looked like tiny hamster food pellets.

See what I mean?

Tasting notes: Bisto was the thinnest of the brands and could’ve doubled as a soup. It didn’t have much flavour, but unlike the others I had tried, there was nothing offensive about it. Bisto would deliver in a pinch.

Verdict: An option for humans and hamsters.

4) St. Hubert $3.00

St. Hubert is like Swiss Chalet, but it’s more popular in Quebec. There used to be a restaurant near me, and I liked it better than Swiss Chalet, but then it closed. I guess I didn’t go there enough. In terms of its name, legend has it that St. Hubert was the patron saint of chicken wings.

Tasting notes: Hubert had a nice texture and a roasted aroma, but I wasn’t crazy about the flavour. There was a cinnamon undercurrent. It was the most distinct brand I tried, which, in the world of gravy mixes, is saying a lot. But I had a feeling I’d enjoy it more in the restaurant. If there was one near me. Which there isn’t.

Verdict: Not saintly, but serviceable.

3) Club House

Like McCormick, Club House is a well-known brand, mainly for their little red plastic spice containers. Full confession: I currently have a Club House container of allspice in my kitchen drawer that’s older than dirt. And probably tastes like it at this point. Also, the best thing about living in a bilingual country is that we have packages with the word “dindon.”

Tasting notes: Club House had a strong flavour with a bit of kick. The consistency was good, too. While not a standout, Club House did what it needed to do. I started to feel some slight ripples of hope in my journey down gravy river.

Verdict: Open house.

2) Schwartz $5.99

I bought this brand at a British speciality store. Hence the price. For some reason, I believed the Brits would be good at gravy mixes. I don’t know why I thought that. I’ve never seen Camilla dive into a hot turkey sandwich.

Tasting notes: Schwartz had a velvety texture. The flavour was subtle, and while it veered towards bland, this was a positive in that it would complement, not compete, with the food on your plate.

Verdict: May the Schwartz be with you.

1) Knorr $2.49

Let’s take a moment to consider the complicated nature of the letter “K.” Sometimes, you pronounce it, like King or Kween. Then there are words where K hides behind other letters. Suffice to say, I don’t know how to pronounce this brand. Is it K-norr? Or Norr?

Tasting notes: Knorr had a full-bodied aroma that matched its nut-brown colour. In terms of taste, it had a complex roasted flavour. It was creamy, nuanced and everything I need in a gravy. I swapped the shot glass for a wine glass and downed it.

Verdict: K-nocked it out of the park.

I hope my hard work helps you to make gravy informed decisions. If I missed a brand that you like, leave a comment and share it with the world. And while nothing compares to homemade…Well, actually. Now that I’m remembering my mom’s gravy, sometimes a mix is best.

Have a great holiday season. If you watch “A Christmas Carol” this year, make sure it’s the 1951 version starring Alastair Sim, which I think is the best one. As Tiny Tim says at the end, “Gravy bless us, everyone!”