Recently I went to New York City and learned a few things. When riding in a taxi, never look out the windshield to see what the driver is doing. Instead, just look out the passenger window and think of puppies and daffodils.
Also, don’t try crossing Times Square on a Saturday night.
And although you might be tempted, given that everybody in New York is a fashionista, never come back with an outfit you’d be embarrassed to wear at the No Frills.
Something else I discovered – there are lots of chocolate bars in New York City. Or, as they call it, “chawklit.”
I pick up chocolate bars whenever I go on vacation (check out my London and Ireland choclit bar taste tests) so I scooped up a few armfuls of NYC chawklit and brought it home to review. Here’s my investigative report. Stone Phillips, listen up.
1) PEANUT CHEWS
Wrapper description: Chewy Chocolatey Bites Loaded with Crunchy Peanuts!
I’d never heard of this brand of chawklit before. Turns out this was originally served as a WW1 ration bar. The bar was actually six little bars. I guess I was only supposed to eat one a week, but I ate them all at once. Which isn’t rationing.
Canadian equivalent: Eat More
2) BABY RUTH
Wrapper description: Bursting with Peanuts, Rich Caramel and Chewy Nougat
I think this is named after a baseball player. Or an overweight American toddler named Ruth who ate a lot of candy bars. Overall, it reminded me of an Oh Henry. I think Ruth and Henry should get together. Then they could create a chawklit bar called Oh Baby.
Canadian equivalent: Crispy Crunch. (Oh, ha ha! I’m only kidding. Oh Henry, of course.)
Wrapper description: Made with Chocolate, Peanut Flavoured Crisps and Caramel
I keep forgetting the name of this chawklit bar. You know the one I mean. It’s crispy and chewy with peanut butter. What’s it called again? Oh, it’s driving me crazy. Anyway, this tasted like the cereal squares my mom used to make for piano recitals.
Canadian equivalent: That one. You know the one I mean. What’s it called again? In the wrapper.
Wrapper description: Milk Chocolate with Peanuts & Raisins
This is fake advertising because you think you’re getting a block of chawklit, but really, it’s just six bars stacked three on three, rather than in a horizontal line. I’m not really a fan of chocolate and fruit bars. Chunky had a faint taste of rum. Not that I’m complaining.
Canadian equivalent: Cadbury Fruit and Nut Bar
5) TAKE 5
Wrapper description: Milk Chocolate, Pretzels, Peanut Butter, Caramel, Peanuts
I grabbed this and did like the package said and took four more. But then the NYPD was called and I got arrested for shawplifting. This is a good chawklit bar for people who are straddling that salty-sweet line. Just take one, though. Or pay for the other four.
Canadian equivalent: I couldn’t think of one.
6) PAY DAY
Wrapper description: Peanut Caramel Bar
I was robbed! There weren't any chawklit in this chawklit bar. There were a lot of nuts, though. So I guess I shouldn’t complain. And it was pretty tasty. It would've been better if it had been covered in chawklit. But then it would've been a Baby Ruth.
Canadian equivalent: Maybe one of those Laura Secord Pecan Kent Rolls. Or whatever they’re called.
7) MR. GOODBAR
Wrapper description: Milk Chocolate with Peanuts
I remember a movie from the seventies called “Looking for Mr. Goodbar.” That sounds like a pretty boring premise. Why wouldn’t you just go to the variety store? Unless there was a chawklit shortage. In that case, it would be a horror movie. This was okay but was a bit underwhelming. As most misters are.
Canadian equivalent: Glosette Chocolate Covered Peanuts
Wrapper description: Crispety, Crunchety, Peanut-Buttery
Okay, first off, they can’t spell. What kind of word is “crispety?” And secundly, I don’t think the words “butter” and “finger” should ever appear side by side. But overall, a satisfying tastety experience.
Canadian equivalent: Crispy Crunch
9) 5TH AVENUE
Wrapper description: Crunchy Peanut Butter in a Rich, Chocolate Coating
This one gets my vote as New York City's best-tasting chawklit bar. It was like a Crispy Crunch enhanced with peanut butter. Plus, it stuck in my teeth, so I could enjoy it throughout the day. No wonder people living on 5th Avenue like it so much. And why their dentists are so rich.
Canadian Equivalent: A Crispy Crunch if you smeared peanut butter on it.
10) MILKY WAY
Wrapper description: Rich Chocolate, Creamy Caramel, Smooth Nougat
This was basically a Mars Bar. Like, there was no difference. It’s weird that they’re both named after things in space. I can’t help but wonder if NASA is behind this.
Canadian equivalent: I think we’ve already established that.
And that’s a wrap! After eating 10 chawklit bars, I’m going to put on pants with an elasticized waistband, lie on the couch and watch Richard Simmons’ “Sweating to the Oldies.”
Do YOU have a favourite American chawklit bar? Leave a comment and let the two people who will read this blog post know!